Afraid of food

I have always loved food and eating! I admit that the foods that I love most are not always the healthiest – I love a good, messy cheeseburger and as I discussed in Tooth Extraction, I have a definite sweet tooth! Starving myself to get thin has never been an option for me.

When I was first living on my own, I got really thin. The two main reasons: one, I was poor and couldn’t afford to go out or buy much food and two, I often biked to work plus picked up running to spite an old boyfriend (another story for another time). At that point in my life, I didn’t drink much alcohol and I didn’t go out to eat. My diet consisted of baked potatoes, bagels, and rice. I enjoyed eating those things but mostly because that was what I could afford.

The second time that I got really thin, I had started using Nutrisystems and was working out about 2 hours every day. This was during the time of my “awakening” when I decided to leave my marriage and live on my own. The time proceeding, I had not been taking care of myself and when the fog lifted, I went heavy into exercise followed by restricting my diet to what came in a pre-packaged, chemical-laden “meal.” This was not a sustainable lifestyle and I ended up with a knee injury and a bum thyroid.

Today, I still struggle with consistently making healthy food choices because the greasy, sugary stuff tends to taste so good but I work at it. One thing I do not do is neglect to eat or let myself go hungry. I have friends and family who literally seem afraid to eat because they don’t want to gain weight. They are not only rejecting the “bad” stuff but also the nutritious items for fear of weight gain. It boggles my mind because we need food to live.

Therein lies a major problem, we have become so confused and twisted about body image and self-worth, that we will deny ourselves the fuel we need to live in order to get or stay thin. I don’t have the answers except to listen to our bodies and feed them what they need in order to live a full and healthy life. Sometimes that may be spinach and other times that may be Red Velvet Oreo Cookies – either way, moderation is key.

Tooth Extraction

I don’t drink (a lot), don’t smoke…what do I do? I love desserts!

After most meals, I feel an overwhelming need for a little something sweet. Breakfast, lunch, dinner…doesn’t matter the time of day, the cravings are strong with this one. Truthfully, people who don’t eat sweets mystify me. I question their overall sanity.

Last night, my son and I went to a Chinese buffet for dinner. I made sure to save plenty of room let for these little chocolate cupcakes with funfetti on them…they are tiny and available at most any grocery store. I don’t buy them at the store but can’t resist them when we go to the buffet. This morning, I had two strawberry toaster strudels and put a little sugar in my coffee…

I have a rotten sweet tooth and I want it gone! I got it honestly from my mom who has a fierce one too. She actually hides sweets in her room along with green beans but that’s a story for another time. Whenever I ask if she wants something from a restaurant, her response is some sort of dessert.

Coupled with what I’m calling my genetic predisposition to love confections, my sweet, sweet Granny used to spoil us rotten with yummy treats. It was her primary love language.

Not too long ago, I had an appointment with my P.A. One of the topics was my entry into perimenopause and the fun of night sweats that have come at this stage of my life. Along with trying Black Cohosh as a natural treatment she also suggested that eliminating all sugar had proven helpful for some of her other patients in a similar boat. I must have looked at her like she had multiple heads because she quickly backed up in her seat, acknowledging that was a tough route and maybe not for everyone.

Today, the extraction process goes to a new level as I’m starting a 12-week program for women 40+ who want an electric charge to their metabolism. I have the shopping list in hand and the task of tracking what I eat. May the force be with me.